Tears of Joy

We are becoming more familiar with the pattern of chemo now that we are into our second cycle. I wouldn't say it has been easier this time round but we are more prepared and we have a better idea what to expect. My prediction was correct that these next few days would prove difficult for Mike.  He is feeling sick, nauseous, fatigued and weak.  The last three days he has spent resting and sleeping with short periods of getting out of bed.  His medications have been keeping the nausea under control and he has been eating small amounts (though I have to force him as he no longer has an appetite) . We won't be hitting up A&W any time soon.  However, we are hopeful that the symptoms from the chemo will start to lessen in the days to come.  There are many moment we want to push fast forward and fly through this treatment as fast as we can.

These days are difficult, Mike does not feel like himself and we miss him terribly.  The boys talk about daddy all the time. How strong he is, how good he is at making things and fixing things, how he makes us laugh.  Today Toby started tickling and snuggling with me and said: " I'm making you happy just like Daddy does".  Yesterday I went in to go get Tyler up from a "nap" where he was not napping but instead had been rolling around in his bed clutching and staring at a picture of him and Mike. I will try to get a copy of this photo from grandma and I will post it as it is so cute.  The minute Keegan hears Mike's voice he starts looking all around smilling and his whole body starts to wiggle.  This sickness reminds me every day what an amazing husband and father we have. As difficult as this journey is for us all, it is increasing our love and appreciation for one another.

                                                     
                  
Mike needed a quiet environment today, so needless to say he didn't spend much time with the rambunctious boys. By the end of the day I could see the boys were really missing their dad so I tried to do bedtime Mike style.  Instead of our predictable routine of dinner, bath, snack, stories, bed,  we built a huge fort in the living room.  We made an imaginary campfire and Toby led us in a sing along with his guitar. They had a tea party with milk and muffins and then we tumbled into bed with Mike to read stories.  In the presence of their dad they didn't sit still for long. Instead they jumped, rolled, tickled and performed for us.  We laughed and enjoyed the kids so much.  I know we have had lots of family moments similar to this before we faced sickness; however now when we have these moments I find myself pushing pause, slowing down and cherishing them. We tucked the boys into bed with tears in our eyes - but they weren't tears of sorrow.  Mike assured me:  they were tears of joy.

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy"  Psalm 126:5