Mike was discharged from the hospital this afternoon ( yeah )! After receiving four GcSF injections his neutraphils have risen up to 3.0 which is within the normal range. That means his body will have better protection against infection and he will be able to continue with his chemotherapy schedule. His cough seems to be improving and his temperature has stayed down as well. We also received good news that his tumor markers have come down to the normal range. Before he started chemo his tumor marker levels were two and half times higher than normal, so the first cycle of chemo has been effective at bringing them back within the normal range. The doctor explained that this is the response they were hoping to see. Knowing that the chemo is killing the cancer cells brings some renewed motivation to keep plowing through its many discomforts. He will start back on chemo Monday morning and continue for 5 days of treatment.
As soon as Mike arrived home from the hospital he was ready to shave his head. The last couple of days in the hospital his hair has been falling out and making a huge mess so he was ready to say goodbye to his curly locks. In our home Mike is the one who cuts the boys' hair, so we thought it would be fun for them if we let them help shave Mike's hair. Toby shaved some off and looked very honored to be trusted with the clippers. Tyler vacuumed up the hair. When we were done Ty giggled and with a mischievous smile said "Daddy you look different." They wanted to touch his hair and it ended in a ticklish whisker rub. Toby has given everyone in the family nicknames so he decided Daddy's nickname was now Prickly Porcupine. The boys don't seem phased by the change and are so excited to have Daddy home from the hospital, so am I.
Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord, o my soul,
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live
Psalm 146:1-2
Thank you for interceding for us, grieving with us, believing with us and rejoicing with us on this journey.
Thursday 28 April 2011
Wednesday 27 April 2011
Some improvements...some more waiting....
I loaded the three kids up this morning to go visit Mike. It proved to be more challenging than I anticipated. After circling for 25 minutes in the parkade we found a parking spot in a lot down the street. We walked at the pace of a 2 year old, in the rain, with a fussy baby to arrive at a long line up for the elevator as one of them was out of service.
It was totally worth the journey though, to see Mike and the boys reunited. Mike just lite up when he saw them; he was so happy to get close to his three little guys. You could tell the boys just wanted to have a full- on wrestling match with daddy in the hospital bed which I'm sure would have gotten some attentions from the hospital staff. We resorted to tickling and hugs instead.
The rest of the day was very busy, mostly dashing from place to place grabbing prescriptions and fixing our kitchen faucet. I'm discovering that the usual life chores which we usually accomplish together, are impossible on my own with three young kids. I've had to call out to our friends for help and everyone has surrounded us with way more than we've asked for. Thank you all for your love and service. We feel the body of Christ surrounding us and it is both beautiful and comforting.
Mike has received 2 shots of the GcSF and his neutraphils have risen from 0.1 - 0.9. They want his levels to be over 1.0 before they discharge him. The doctor is confident he will be ready to come home tomorrow. He's had no further fever and his chest x-ray is clear. We thank God that he is helping Mike fight this infection. We are still waiting to get results from his tumor markers. This result will help us know if the chemo has been effective in killing cancer cells. I always feel very nervous before we receive new results. I am working hard to give my anxiety to God tonight. Phillipians 4:6-7 are verses that I have clung onto during many seasons in my life, but they have never been as real to me as they are right now.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
It was totally worth the journey though, to see Mike and the boys reunited. Mike just lite up when he saw them; he was so happy to get close to his three little guys. You could tell the boys just wanted to have a full- on wrestling match with daddy in the hospital bed which I'm sure would have gotten some attentions from the hospital staff. We resorted to tickling and hugs instead.
The rest of the day was very busy, mostly dashing from place to place grabbing prescriptions and fixing our kitchen faucet. I'm discovering that the usual life chores which we usually accomplish together, are impossible on my own with three young kids. I've had to call out to our friends for help and everyone has surrounded us with way more than we've asked for. Thank you all for your love and service. We feel the body of Christ surrounding us and it is both beautiful and comforting.
Mike has received 2 shots of the GcSF and his neutraphils have risen from 0.1 - 0.9. They want his levels to be over 1.0 before they discharge him. The doctor is confident he will be ready to come home tomorrow. He's had no further fever and his chest x-ray is clear. We thank God that he is helping Mike fight this infection. We are still waiting to get results from his tumor markers. This result will help us know if the chemo has been effective in killing cancer cells. I always feel very nervous before we receive new results. I am working hard to give my anxiety to God tonight. Phillipians 4:6-7 are verses that I have clung onto during many seasons in my life, but they have never been as real to me as they are right now.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Tuesday 26 April 2011
Rollercoaster Ride
I am terrified of roller coasters and heights. When Mike and I were traveling through LA a few years ago, we spent some time at amusement parks. One day Mike dragged me to six flags. I watched him go on rides all day and by the end of the day he wore me down and convinced me to go on this crazy, twisty, upside down Batman roller coaster. I had my first panic attack in the middle of the ride and I thoroughly embarrassed Mike. Today was a roller coaster ride and I just had to give in and ride it.
The day started off and I thought things were looking up. Mike finally had had a good sleep as he coughed a lot less throughout the night. This morning he was still exhausted so I ordered him to stay in bed and sleep. I brought him food, kept an eye on his temperature and he slept deeply until noon. It was great to see him having some relief from his hacking cough.
I talked to the cancer clinic nurses in the morning and they assured me that Dr Oja (our oncologist) was aware of Mike's blood count and due to the low neutrophils they were going to cancel his chemo which was scheduled for this afternoon. Since Mike was comfortable and sleeping soundly I decided to get Keegan checked out with our family doctor. No ear infection (yeah) hopefully just really teething.
I still felt uneasy that Mike was at home with such a low blood count, so I talked to my family doctor about it while I was in. He gave me a requisition for chest x-ray and a sputum culture. I headed home to get the boys settled for nap time and get Mike ready for these tests. By the time the boys were asleep the roller coaster went a different direction.
We got a call from the chemotherapy nurse who wanted to clarify that we were in fact going to go ahead with chemo this afternoon and Dr. Oja would meet us at the cancer clinic to assess Mike. We quickly got ready and my awesome sister spent the whole day helping taking care of the kids so I could be there to talk with the doctor.
Our doctor is great and is a real advocate for us. He said there had been a misunderstanding and that Mike never should have been sent home with his neutraphils at 0.1. He actually thought Mike had been admitted to the hospital and that is why he hadn't called us at home with further instructions for Mike's care.
He wants to start Mike on G-CSF (granulocyte colony stimulating factor). Basically it is a drug that helps your bone marrow make new white blood cells. They want to increase his neutrophils so that we can continue with the chemotherapy schedule. Dr. Oja called and found us a bed on the oncology unit and Mike was directly admitted after he received his Bleomycin. They decided to go ahead with the chemo anyways. Our day took a completely different turn.
I had to head back to relieve my sister from looking after 4 kids at supper time ( the hardest time of day). I rushed back home and was barely able to process what all had just happened. I suddenly felt heavy exhaustion descend on me and I just couldn't gain clarity of thought. My sister helped me decide who to call for help and within a few minutes we had organized baby sitters, a meal for Mike and grocery shopping. I could not have made it through today without all of you who just dropped everything to help us ( thank you Jamie, the Breedveld family, Nicole and Curt and Cindy).
I tucked our three little guys into bed, which always takes longer without the help of Mike, but we did it! I packed him a hospital bag and headed back to the hospital. Mike looked great when I arrived. He greeted me with a big smile, full of hope and reassurance. He looks totally out of place in this unit I think most people are 70 +. Mike and I laughed when he described how the porter had come to take him for his x-ray and said "You can walk?" Mike responded, "they have had me walking all over this hospital the past couple of days, Yes I can walk just fine". The porter felt awkward pushing a wheelchair beside his ambulating patient so Mike climbed in to the chair to make him feel better.
Mike is in a nice new wing, it is quiet, and he has a great view of the mountains. He said it feels like a hotel, the nurses are taking great care of him, he has everything he needs and a hospital bed which is much more comfortable for his cough. He was very positive and I know that this is where he needs to be. I feel relieved that they will be monitoring him closely, doing daily blood work and having daily assessements with our oncologist. Nevertheless, the house feels empty especially at night and I find myself reaching up to my Heavenly Father for comfort at the end of this scary roller coaster ride.
Psalm 33: 18-22
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
19 to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.
20 We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
22 May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.
The day started off and I thought things were looking up. Mike finally had had a good sleep as he coughed a lot less throughout the night. This morning he was still exhausted so I ordered him to stay in bed and sleep. I brought him food, kept an eye on his temperature and he slept deeply until noon. It was great to see him having some relief from his hacking cough.
I talked to the cancer clinic nurses in the morning and they assured me that Dr Oja (our oncologist) was aware of Mike's blood count and due to the low neutrophils they were going to cancel his chemo which was scheduled for this afternoon. Since Mike was comfortable and sleeping soundly I decided to get Keegan checked out with our family doctor. No ear infection (yeah) hopefully just really teething.
I still felt uneasy that Mike was at home with such a low blood count, so I talked to my family doctor about it while I was in. He gave me a requisition for chest x-ray and a sputum culture. I headed home to get the boys settled for nap time and get Mike ready for these tests. By the time the boys were asleep the roller coaster went a different direction.
We got a call from the chemotherapy nurse who wanted to clarify that we were in fact going to go ahead with chemo this afternoon and Dr. Oja would meet us at the cancer clinic to assess Mike. We quickly got ready and my awesome sister spent the whole day helping taking care of the kids so I could be there to talk with the doctor.
Our doctor is great and is a real advocate for us. He said there had been a misunderstanding and that Mike never should have been sent home with his neutraphils at 0.1. He actually thought Mike had been admitted to the hospital and that is why he hadn't called us at home with further instructions for Mike's care.
He wants to start Mike on G-CSF (granulocyte colony stimulating factor). Basically it is a drug that helps your bone marrow make new white blood cells. They want to increase his neutrophils so that we can continue with the chemotherapy schedule. Dr. Oja called and found us a bed on the oncology unit and Mike was directly admitted after he received his Bleomycin. They decided to go ahead with the chemo anyways. Our day took a completely different turn.
I had to head back to relieve my sister from looking after 4 kids at supper time ( the hardest time of day). I rushed back home and was barely able to process what all had just happened. I suddenly felt heavy exhaustion descend on me and I just couldn't gain clarity of thought. My sister helped me decide who to call for help and within a few minutes we had organized baby sitters, a meal for Mike and grocery shopping. I could not have made it through today without all of you who just dropped everything to help us ( thank you Jamie, the Breedveld family, Nicole and Curt and Cindy).
I tucked our three little guys into bed, which always takes longer without the help of Mike, but we did it! I packed him a hospital bag and headed back to the hospital. Mike looked great when I arrived. He greeted me with a big smile, full of hope and reassurance. He looks totally out of place in this unit I think most people are 70 +. Mike and I laughed when he described how the porter had come to take him for his x-ray and said "You can walk?" Mike responded, "they have had me walking all over this hospital the past couple of days, Yes I can walk just fine". The porter felt awkward pushing a wheelchair beside his ambulating patient so Mike climbed in to the chair to make him feel better.
Mike is in a nice new wing, it is quiet, and he has a great view of the mountains. He said it feels like a hotel, the nurses are taking great care of him, he has everything he needs and a hospital bed which is much more comfortable for his cough. He was very positive and I know that this is where he needs to be. I feel relieved that they will be monitoring him closely, doing daily blood work and having daily assessements with our oncologist. Nevertheless, the house feels empty especially at night and I find myself reaching up to my Heavenly Father for comfort at the end of this scary roller coaster ride.
Psalm 33: 18-22
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
19 to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.
20 We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
22 May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.
Easter and ER
Mike started out the day with energy and was feeling a lot better. I'm not sure what it is with this treatment but Mike has really craved A&W breakfast since starting chemo. Whenever he has appetite we go for it. The boys bopped away to the oldies as we ate eggs and toast. We had some family fun doing an Easter egg hunt and some Easter crafts (thank you Rebecca and Carrie for the Easter goodies).
Unfortunately in the afternoon, Mike and Keegan both developed fevers. Mike's cough also sounds worse. Mike's fever peaked at 38.5, so he had to head to the ER. Thankfully they got him in quickly. His blood work shows that he has virtually no neutrophils to fight off this cold (0.1). This is to be expected with chemo but it makes secondary infections a real concern. They put him on oral antibiotics and sent him home as his temperature has came back down to normal. We will follow up with our oncologist tomorrow.
Keegan continues to be uncomfortable and is needing a lot of care tonight. We appreciate your prayers. It has been a difficult day but I am thankful that Mike is home with us tonight.
Unfortunately in the afternoon, Mike and Keegan both developed fevers. Mike's cough also sounds worse. Mike's fever peaked at 38.5, so he had to head to the ER. Thankfully they got him in quickly. His blood work shows that he has virtually no neutrophils to fight off this cold (0.1). This is to be expected with chemo but it makes secondary infections a real concern. They put him on oral antibiotics and sent him home as his temperature has came back down to normal. We will follow up with our oncologist tomorrow.
Keegan continues to be uncomfortable and is needing a lot of care tonight. We appreciate your prayers. It has been a difficult day but I am thankful that Mike is home with us tonight.
Sunday 24 April 2011
Patience in Suffering
Mike continues to fight off this cough and cold, but we are so thankful that his fever stayed under control all day. He is tired and a little disappointed to be feeling so sick on his "rest" week. However we are thankful that this cold did not hit during his treatments. It is a learning process for us to surrender our expectations regarding the trajectory of his illness and treatment. It is an adjustment to be removed from our usual spheres of work and interaction. There is no doubt that this process is uncomfortable for us both, but we do believe that God will use this season to do good things in ourselves, our family and our friends. We have seen glimpses of it already.
I felt very tired today and slightly overwhelmed by the treatment ahead of us. As I was praying tonight God lead me right to a passage in James. The heading at the top of this group of verses is summarized as "patience in suffering". Right now Mike and I would love to be able to push the fast forward button on the weeks of chemo that lay ahead, but God is teaching us patience and endurance instead.
James writes, "Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy" James 5:10-11
Thank you all for your encouraging comments, gifts, and prayers. I am always uplifted when I think of all our friends who are praying.
I felt very tired today and slightly overwhelmed by the treatment ahead of us. As I was praying tonight God lead me right to a passage in James. The heading at the top of this group of verses is summarized as "patience in suffering". Right now Mike and I would love to be able to push the fast forward button on the weeks of chemo that lay ahead, but God is teaching us patience and endurance instead.
James writes, "Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy" James 5:10-11
Thank you all for your encouraging comments, gifts, and prayers. I am always uplifted when I think of all our friends who are praying.
Saturday 23 April 2011
Unpredictable
Our life has never been as unpredictable as it is right now. We never know when Mike's symptoms will re surface, so it has forced us to take advantage of every second that he is feeling well. The last four days have felt almost normal, Mike has had energy and our days have been filled with quality time with family and friends. Last night that abruptly changed as Mike presented with a low grade fever and a persistent cough. Mike could feel his body telling him to slow down as he fights this cold. My clinical assessment mode turned on and I kept vigil over him during the night, neither of us got much sleep. His temperature hovered in between 37.5 and 38. We were told to recheck his temperature in an hour and if remained at 38 to seek help immediately. His temperature hit 38 in the middle of the night and I spent the next hour praying that it would come down. It did come down but it has continued to creep up at various points today. We have been watching it very closely and we don't feel out of the woods yet. Please pray that Mike's body has the immunity to fight off this cold.
Since Mike was exhausted this morning, we decided it would be best if I took the kids out of the house so he could rest properly. My sister and brother in law (Jamie and Scott) and Scott's parents were heading up to Golden Ears park and they invited us to join. It was a georgeous warm sunny day and I knew it would do the boys some good to head into nature. Mike encouraged me to join them and we came up with a plan in case Mike had to go to Emergency.
I headed off for a wonderful day with our family. I fully enjoyed the hiking, the beach, the waterfall and the children but the heaviness in my stomach remained despite all the fun. I felt so torn between being present for my husband and giving consistency and normalcy for the kids. We are having to rely on other people to help us meet all of these demands. Today I went in faith knowing that we have so many people around us that Mike would call if his temperature got worse. We feel so blessed by all the support we have from so many people and it makes this burden so much easier to shoulder.
I called him as soon as we left the park and to my relief the day had been restful and uneventful for Mike. Our day ended with friends and family arriving at our doorstep with a beautiful easter bouquet, goodies for the whole family and a gorgeous home-made quilt. Mike and I just looked at each other tonight and were overwhelmed, humbled and encouraged by all the love and support. Every day someone arrives at our doorstep with something that lifts our spirit our helps provide for our needs. God is showing us his compassion and love through all of you. So in spite of the unpredictable nature of this season in our life God is teaching us more than ever to live in the moment and to receive care and love from our community, family and friends.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34
Since Mike was exhausted this morning, we decided it would be best if I took the kids out of the house so he could rest properly. My sister and brother in law (Jamie and Scott) and Scott's parents were heading up to Golden Ears park and they invited us to join. It was a georgeous warm sunny day and I knew it would do the boys some good to head into nature. Mike encouraged me to join them and we came up with a plan in case Mike had to go to Emergency.
I headed off for a wonderful day with our family. I fully enjoyed the hiking, the beach, the waterfall and the children but the heaviness in my stomach remained despite all the fun. I felt so torn between being present for my husband and giving consistency and normalcy for the kids. We are having to rely on other people to help us meet all of these demands. Today I went in faith knowing that we have so many people around us that Mike would call if his temperature got worse. We feel so blessed by all the support we have from so many people and it makes this burden so much easier to shoulder.
I called him as soon as we left the park and to my relief the day had been restful and uneventful for Mike. Our day ended with friends and family arriving at our doorstep with a beautiful easter bouquet, goodies for the whole family and a gorgeous home-made quilt. Mike and I just looked at each other tonight and were overwhelmed, humbled and encouraged by all the love and support. Every day someone arrives at our doorstep with something that lifts our spirit our helps provide for our needs. God is showing us his compassion and love through all of you. So in spite of the unpredictable nature of this season in our life God is teaching us more than ever to live in the moment and to receive care and love from our community, family and friends.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34
Friday 22 April 2011
Live and Love
Family
Mike has been doing great. He doesn't have quite as much energy as usual but overall he is back to himself. The sniffles and cough persist but he hasn't had any symptoms beyond the common cold. The last couple of days we have continued to take advantage of his improvements and we have had some great family moments. Wednesday I mustered up the energy to pack up the whole family and drive us out to our favorite beach in Tsawwassen. Mike found a nice bench in the sun and enjoyed watching the boys play and dig. I packed lunches, hauled strollers, bounced babies, and changed sandy wet children. The work was well worth it to smell the salty breeze and make memories together.
Church
Mike has been doing great. He doesn't have quite as much energy as usual but overall he is back to himself. The sniffles and cough persist but he hasn't had any symptoms beyond the common cold. The last couple of days we have continued to take advantage of his improvements and we have had some great family moments. Wednesday I mustered up the energy to pack up the whole family and drive us out to our favorite beach in Tsawwassen. Mike found a nice bench in the sun and enjoyed watching the boys play and dig. I packed lunches, hauled strollers, bounced babies, and changed sandy wet children. The work was well worth it to smell the salty breeze and make memories together.
Church
Today was Good Friday, a day that is close to our heart. Every Easter, our church hosts a pancake breakfast and Easter Egg hunt for our neighborhood. It is always a lot of work but is so exciting. This is the first year we haven't been involved. In the past, the weeks leading up to Easter are full and busy. Of course this year it's been different for us. However today Mike was eager to have a taste of "normal life" and to be involved in an event with people and purpose. It was so inspiring and beautiful to see all the people that we have come to love in our church working hard, committed to the vision, and carrying the whole event so competently without us. The gym filled up with neighbors and friends from the community and we served, laughed, re-connected with old friends and made some new friends. Mike and I came home energized, refreshed and inspired. We have always known that Real Life is God's church, but since Mike has been forced to step back completely we see so clearly what a great Shepherd God is and we know we can trust him fully. Jesus said:
" I am the good Shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me - and I lay down my life for the sheep." John 10:14. We spent time today remembering the truth that Jesus laid down his life for us. As I stepped back and watched the church flourish, I felt God whispering that truth to me.
Love
Although we were tired after a busy day, we decided to go for a date night while Mike is feeling good. Our awesome babysitter arrived with a bouquet of home-made chocolate covered strawberries. I know.... how lucky are we? So the date started off romantic. We went to White Rock, grabbed a warm drink and headed to the beach. We sat on a log right down by the water and watched the sunset. What a treat.
Mike and I have been married for almost 9 years now and I have never felt more in love with him than I do now. Since finding out that he has an illness, it has impressed on us a new kind of urgency to love each other fully, to cherish every moment and to let go of pet peeves. We want our experience with cancer to shape us into a mold that glorifies God. One thing I am thankful for is how Cancer has taught me to keep the big things big and the small things small. Who cares about the piles of laundry that appear on Mike's side of the bed every night, I'm just so thankful to have my companion, my best friend.
"Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13: 7
Wednesday 20 April 2011
Cold, Colds, Colds....
With three kids under the age of four we always seem to be combating runny noses and coughs. For the past couple of days Tyler and Keegan have had runny noses. We have been hand washing like crazy, but our two year old is still so quick to affectionately get his face right up against yours. Today Mike has come down with a stuffed nose and cough too. His immune system is being depleted by the chemo so he is at risk for infection. Please pray that he does not develop a fever and that he has the strength to fight this cold without complications.
"Again I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them"
Matthew 18: 19-20
We believe in the power of prayer. We know that many many people are praying for Mike and we feel God holding us during this time. Thank you for praying.
"Again I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them"
Matthew 18: 19-20
We believe in the power of prayer. We know that many many people are praying for Mike and we feel God holding us during this time. Thank you for praying.
The "Dex" day
Sunday night Mike went from being exhausted and nauseated to being hyper, hungry and energetic. It is all thanks to a medication called Dexamethasone. This medication is a steroid but it actually helps with nausea too. In hindsight we remembered the nurse offhandedly mentioning that some people get really hyper on this medication. The week that Mike was receiving chemo I couldn't imagine anything having the ability to give Mike energy, but sure enough Sunday night at 2 am Mike was wired.
He beat the boys out of bed at 6 am and had Toby and Tyler dressed and ready to go before my feet hit the floor. He lead us on a day long of Mike activities. First it was to A&W for breakfast, then to a coffee shop where the boys can play outside. Next we went to thrift stores (in Whalley) and hunted for some deals . We had lots of family laughs and improvisation as we went from activity to activity without having the usual preparations for our three little ones. No lunches today just a big bag of cheerios that Mike grabbed on the way out the door.
Definitely a day to remember. It felt so great to have Mike back.
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 118:1
He beat the boys out of bed at 6 am and had Toby and Tyler dressed and ready to go before my feet hit the floor. He lead us on a day long of Mike activities. First it was to A&W for breakfast, then to a coffee shop where the boys can play outside. Next we went to thrift stores (in Whalley) and hunted for some deals . We had lots of family laughs and improvisation as we went from activity to activity without having the usual preparations for our three little ones. No lunches today just a big bag of cheerios that Mike grabbed on the way out the door.
Definitely a day to remember. It felt so great to have Mike back.
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 118:1
Monday 18 April 2011
This is the day!
We had a great day today. It felt like Mike was back. He had a better appetite, more energy and more time awake with the family. What a treat. He was able to help a bit with the kids and the day went so much smoother for us all.
I took the boys out of the house for awhile in the morning so Mike could have a bit of quiet time before we headed to get more chemo. The boys and I went to Fleetwood park and had so much fun running together, playing in the woods, looking for bugs and throwing rocks in the stream. The kids inspire me, entertain me and keep me motivated to keep going.
I went with Mike to chemo. We spent most of our time waiting in the lab, waiting rooms, and then getting treatment. Going to the cancer clinic is becoming our new date, they have comfy couches, current magazines and even a Starbucks down the hall. It's quiet and we can have an uninterrupted conversation which is rarity in our home . Mike only received one medication today (Bleomycin) so the side effects weren't as strong.
Thank you to my brave sister who looked after 3 children under the age of 2 and to my dear friend Shelly who took Toby for a play date. Toby always has so much fun at Shelley's its a struggle to get him to come home. We are so thankful for all the help with the children so that Mike and I can have some moments together.
After a few rough days, today felt like a breath of fresh air and a welcome relief from some of the stress we have all been feeling.
"This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24
I took the boys out of the house for awhile in the morning so Mike could have a bit of quiet time before we headed to get more chemo. The boys and I went to Fleetwood park and had so much fun running together, playing in the woods, looking for bugs and throwing rocks in the stream. The kids inspire me, entertain me and keep me motivated to keep going.
I went with Mike to chemo. We spent most of our time waiting in the lab, waiting rooms, and then getting treatment. Going to the cancer clinic is becoming our new date, they have comfy couches, current magazines and even a Starbucks down the hall. It's quiet and we can have an uninterrupted conversation which is rarity in our home . Mike only received one medication today (Bleomycin) so the side effects weren't as strong.
Thank you to my brave sister who looked after 3 children under the age of 2 and to my dear friend Shelly who took Toby for a play date. Toby always has so much fun at Shelley's its a struggle to get him to come home. We are so thankful for all the help with the children so that Mike and I can have some moments together.
After a few rough days, today felt like a breath of fresh air and a welcome relief from some of the stress we have all been feeling.
"This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24
Our weekend: The Wilderness
When Mike and I first received the diagnosis that he had cancer we needed some direction or a word from God to hang on to We were doing some devotions together from the bible, and Mike was in the middle of reading Exodus. We decided to read the chapter that he was at in his reading plan. Exodus 14 is the chapter where the Isreaelites are terrified because they have been led out of Egypt and have been wandering in the desert. In chapter 14 they find themselves being persued by the Egyptian army, they are trapped, they fear death and they question God.. The story goes on to describe one of God's most amazing miracles: the parting of the red sea and the deliverance of the Israelites.
This is one of those childhood bible stories that I've almost become immune to over the years. However on the day I found out that God was leading us into the uncharted territory of Cancer, I felt like God was leading our family into the wilderness. He spoke these words directly to my heart and I have had to revisit this promise again and again as we navigate our way through the wilderness.
"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:13
This past weekend was our "recovery" weekend from the chemo, but I think Mike and I would describe our weekend more as the wilderness than a rest from chemo. The side effects hit Mike very hard. He was struggling with nausea, vomiting and fatigue to a greater intensity than before. He was very uncomfortable and unable to participate in any normal family activities. It is so hard to watch your loved one suffer. It is hard to meet the needs of the kids when they are missing the presence of their daddy. To make the weekend even more challenging Tyler and Keegan both had runny noses and coughs. The workload was intense, the nights very long.
I had to go back to that chapter in Exodus to remind myself that even when God leads you into the wilderness, He has a great plan, and He will be glorified through it. On Sunday Mike and I were both feeling very weak. I went to church with the boys and I received words of encouragement, prayer, gifts and hugs from our church family. I stepped back and watched how God is taking great care of Real Life in our absence and I was assured that he will take great care of my sick husband.
We came home and Toby and I went and snuggled with Mike in bed while the little boys napped. I asked Toby what story he heard in Kids church and he said they read a story about a man who was sick and God healed him. Mike and I both had a few tears and Toby asked us why our faces were leaking. We had good laugh.
The boys and I then went outside and hung out with some of our awesome neighbors and family and the boys had a blast playing street hockey. I soaked up some sun and just felt very peaceful in the midst of it all.
That evening I managed to track down the oncologist and get Mike some different medication for his nausea. Within and hour he was feeling relief and even a bit hungry. God is taking care of us and I know he has good reason for leading us into the wilderness.
Friday 15 April 2011
Week One of Chemo Done!
We made it through our first week of chemo. The next two weeks are mainly to rest and recuperate. Mike does continue to get one of the medications (Bleomycin) every Monday, but other than that he'll be home. He will also do some lab work on Monday, I'm not sure when we will get results but you can pray that his tumor markers are responding to treatment. We will do four of these cycles altogether; 1 down, 3 to go.
Today was exhausting. It was just one of those days with the kids where they all needed extra TLC. The 4 year old is emotional and testing boundaries, the two year old is strong willed and over tired, the baby just would not nap easily and seems to be fussy with teething. By dinner time I could hardly keep my eyes open so Mike and I both crashed on the couch and the boys cuddled up and watched a show. Even though we were tired it just felt good to be close and be together.
Thankfully we have a babysitter who comes every Friday ( usually we go for a date, but Mike opted for sleep tonight.) Evonne helped me get the kids to bed and I went to bootcamp! Ahhh, I feel so much better - great stress release.
I had many moments today where I felt weary realizing that the rest of my maternity leave is going to be spent fighting cancer. It's a long time to see Mike feeling so tired and sick. In those moments I find myself needing to give my burden to God because it is too heavy for me. I've read this verse so many times over the years and often I've struggled to give my burdens to God. But right now I can honestly say that if I hang on to the full weight of battling cancer with my life partner, it will crush me. So it has been a lot easier than I thought to just give my burden to God.
Jesus said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
Thursday 14 April 2011
Perspective
Thanks to our wonderful friends who volunteered to baby sit our boys, I was able to take Mike to chemo today. It was nice to just sit together, talk to other patients who are going through the same things, and glean some more info from the nurses. The nurses told us that Mike is on the most intensive chemo regime which explains why Mike is more fatigued every day. He has been resting and sleeping on and off most of the day. He is not in any pain but is very tired and quite nauseated. Mike loves to be productive and busy so its a shock to be going such a slow pace; however, he knows its what he needs to be doing right now. He is handling his discomfort with a quiet peace and strength. He has not uttered a single complaint since any of this began. Let's just say he is an easy patient.
We are so thankful for all the volunteers who have taken over all of his responsibilities with the church, it is such a blessing to hand over those responsibilities so Mike can fully rest and recover. Thank you all so much for your hard work and dedication, we are so thankful we don't have to do this journey alone.
My highlight for the day was bedtime with the kids. Mike usually helps me with bedtime, but tonight he needed to rest. So instead of our usual routine, I dressed the boys in their favorite matching pj's and we all piled into the bed with Mike. We cuddled, read stories, and said prayers all together. The boys adore their daddy and really enjoyed the time with him.
Sickness puts everything into perspective. By the end of today the house was such a disaster, the boys were difficult to corral into their beds and I hadn't had one second for myself all day. Before we were facing cancer, my reaction to a day like today would have been frustration, irritation and self pity. Now I live for those family moments on the bed, and the rest just doesn't matter. It is worth working hard to take care of the ones I love most.
This verse sums up the perspective Mike and I want to take as we face this trial.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary afflictions are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians
4: 16-18
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Persevere
Well we have read all about the side effects of chemo and heard about them from doctors and nurses, but today it feels as though the reality of chemo is starting to sink in. Mike is very tired and he slept a lot today. I'm glad that he is listening to his body and is slowing down and resting. He has had some nausea but the medications that they have given us to help the nausea are keeping it under control. He is eating, though not savoring food like usual. We are thankful that everything he is experiencing is a normal reaction to the chemo and I'm getting my head around the fact that we will need to persevere through the discomforts.
My days are very busy and it makes me realize how much I appreciate all that Mike does around the home and with the family. I feel very motivated to pick up the extra work cheerfully because I love Mike so much and I want him to fight this and get better. We have received so much help from all of you and it makes my days much more manageable so thank you all again for so much practical help. Nonetheless I find myself having to persevere through the changes in our routine and in our household.
I am so proud of our boys. Toby and Tyler are so compassionate and helpful. Toby came bounding down the stairs today and went over to Mike sleeping in the chair and said Mom what do you think daddy needs: a snack, a movie, a blankie? We settled on a movie and they all cuddled up and watched CARS. The boys were thrilled with that! Tyler has been giving daddy extra cuddles and he always kisses the band aid where the IV was. Ty knows all too well what is involved with an IV, and he is very compassionate.
I realize that we are only 3 days into the treatment and when I look at the weeks to come it is hard not to worry about what will be around the corner. But when I look at today I can say you know today wasn't that bad, in fact we had some great moments today. My goal is to persevere in keeping my mind from worrying, but instead focusing on how God helped us through today.
Today this is the passage I found myself reading over and over again.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author an perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12: 1-3
Tuesday 12 April 2011
Day Two
Mike headed off to chemo this morning at 8 am with a friend we haven't seen in awhile. They hung out all morning and I know Mike appreciated the company. The boys and I got out in the sunshine which is good for us all. We are trying to keep life in a normal rhythm for them as much as possible.
Mike is doing well. His side effects have primarily been a decreased appetite and fatigue but he is coping really well. It is starting to set in that this will be our new normal for awhile and its still hard to get used to.
All of the support and comments have lifted our spirits. All of the delicious food coming our way has Mike motivated to eat ( Thanks Shelley, Kim, Carina, Karen, Cindy, Donnie, Frances). We are overwhelmed by all of our amazing friends who are offering support in anyway. We are optimistic and continue to place Mike in God's capable hands.
A month ago our son Tyler was very sick and in the hospital. One night I found myself collapsed on the floor weeping and begging for the health of my husband and my son. I could barely breath and I was alone. Within minutes the phone rang and it was one of my best friends. Five minutes later Jamie and Scott arrived at the door, followed by my friend Cindy. The only thing that could bring relief was when they read to me from the Bible. God spoke this passage to me that night and I have been holding tight to these words ever since. Tyler also turned the corner the following morning and is now the picture of health once again. Praise God.
"I lift my eyes up to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121
Mike is doing well. His side effects have primarily been a decreased appetite and fatigue but he is coping really well. It is starting to set in that this will be our new normal for awhile and its still hard to get used to.
All of the support and comments have lifted our spirits. All of the delicious food coming our way has Mike motivated to eat ( Thanks Shelley, Kim, Carina, Karen, Cindy, Donnie, Frances). We are overwhelmed by all of our amazing friends who are offering support in anyway. We are optimistic and continue to place Mike in God's capable hands.
A month ago our son Tyler was very sick and in the hospital. One night I found myself collapsed on the floor weeping and begging for the health of my husband and my son. I could barely breath and I was alone. Within minutes the phone rang and it was one of my best friends. Five minutes later Jamie and Scott arrived at the door, followed by my friend Cindy. The only thing that could bring relief was when they read to me from the Bible. God spoke this passage to me that night and I have been holding tight to these words ever since. Tyler also turned the corner the following morning and is now the picture of health once again. Praise God.
"I lift my eyes up to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121
Monday 11 April 2011
Day One
We began the day by getting all three of the boys strapped into the van by 8 am, for us that is a miracle in itself. We dropped Toby and Ty off for a play date with their buddies Finlay and Alasdair. Toby was so excited to go to their house that he told me the night before " you know Mom I can't wait to go play with the digger at Finlay's house, you know sometimes I just need a break from my mommy." At first I was slightly offended and then I thought of how many times in passing conversation I'll say I just need a break from the kids so I've started bootcamp or whatever it might me. Needless to say the boys had a great day and didn't miss mommy at all.
We headed to the BC Cancer Agency at Surrey Memorial, which is remarkably very calming compared to the rest of the bustling hospital. Volunteers bring around coffee and tea and a volunteer even held my happy but loudly chattering baby so that I could hear the nurses teaching.
We met a lady who was on her second to last treatment after 15 months of chemo. She is now cancer free and had all kinds of helpful advice for getting through it. Mike said that chemo was the closest thing he has ever had to the spa. Recline in a lazy boy with car magazines and no children interrupting you or pressing work responsibilites, not too bad.
He finished up earlier than we expected and he didn't experience many side effects. He took a good nap this afternoon but other than that has been eating and carrying on as usual. It still doesn't feel real that we are starting 3 months of chemo. We are just taking it one day at a time.
We headed to the BC Cancer Agency at Surrey Memorial, which is remarkably very calming compared to the rest of the bustling hospital. Volunteers bring around coffee and tea and a volunteer even held my happy but loudly chattering baby so that I could hear the nurses teaching.
We met a lady who was on her second to last treatment after 15 months of chemo. She is now cancer free and had all kinds of helpful advice for getting through it. Mike said that chemo was the closest thing he has ever had to the spa. Recline in a lazy boy with car magazines and no children interrupting you or pressing work responsibilites, not too bad.
He finished up earlier than we expected and he didn't experience many side effects. He took a good nap this afternoon but other than that has been eating and carrying on as usual. It still doesn't feel real that we are starting 3 months of chemo. We are just taking it one day at a time.
Chemotherapy
Dr. Oja our oncologist has Mike on an aggressive treatment plan. He is receiving three drugs
(the nurse in me will tell you the names for those of you who might be interested). Bleomycin, Cysplatin and Etoposide are strong medications that target cells which divide quickly. Since Mike's cancer cells are the type that divide and grow quickly chemo is usually really effective at killing the cancer. However chemo also kills off healthy cells in his body that grow and divide quickly like cells in the mouth, stomach, hair and immune cells. That's where the side effects come from. So we have been prepared to expect hair loss, nausea, fatigue and a weak immune system. We are not looking forward to it but we are motivated by the high success of this treatment with non-seminoma cancer. We never would choose suffering for ourselves but we find hope in the fact that God uses suffering for good. A verse that I've been holding on to is in James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be complete, not lacking anything." One of the fears I've struggled with is how our kids are going to handle seeing their strong energetic daddy go through sickness. This promise is the only thing that gives me comfort it assures me that Toby,Tyler and Keegan will be complete not lacking anything. So chemotherapy here we go....
(the nurse in me will tell you the names for those of you who might be interested). Bleomycin, Cysplatin and Etoposide are strong medications that target cells which divide quickly. Since Mike's cancer cells are the type that divide and grow quickly chemo is usually really effective at killing the cancer. However chemo also kills off healthy cells in his body that grow and divide quickly like cells in the mouth, stomach, hair and immune cells. That's where the side effects come from. So we have been prepared to expect hair loss, nausea, fatigue and a weak immune system. We are not looking forward to it but we are motivated by the high success of this treatment with non-seminoma cancer. We never would choose suffering for ourselves but we find hope in the fact that God uses suffering for good. A verse that I've been holding on to is in James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be complete, not lacking anything." One of the fears I've struggled with is how our kids are going to handle seeing their strong energetic daddy go through sickness. This promise is the only thing that gives me comfort it assures me that Toby,Tyler and Keegan will be complete not lacking anything. So chemotherapy here we go....
Thank you
For those of you who know me, I have dropped off completely with technology since having babies and I rarely facebook or e-mail anymore. Thus, Mike is sceptical that I'm capable of blogging but I'm determined to prove him wrong.
I was motivated to start on this learning curve of blogging because we have had so many people pray for us, shop for us, cook for us, clean for us and listen to us. I want to say thank you, we feel so loved and all your care has helped lift a heavy burden. It has enabled us to have more time together as a family and that gift is priceless. I want to share our journey with you because you have all given so much to us. We are looking for the good things that God is going to bring out this sickness and we want to share that with you. This week a good friend came up and shared vision that God had given her during church it was the picture of a sunset where the clouds are lite up brilliantly with all shades of beautiful color. She reminded me that the most beautiful sunsets are not those on a clear day but those with cloudy skies. We may be in a cloudy season but already we have experienced beautiful things in our family and with all of our friends. Thank you all.
I was motivated to start on this learning curve of blogging because we have had so many people pray for us, shop for us, cook for us, clean for us and listen to us. I want to say thank you, we feel so loved and all your care has helped lift a heavy burden. It has enabled us to have more time together as a family and that gift is priceless. I want to share our journey with you because you have all given so much to us. We are looking for the good things that God is going to bring out this sickness and we want to share that with you. This week a good friend came up and shared vision that God had given her during church it was the picture of a sunset where the clouds are lite up brilliantly with all shades of beautiful color. She reminded me that the most beautiful sunsets are not those on a clear day but those with cloudy skies. We may be in a cloudy season but already we have experienced beautiful things in our family and with all of our friends. Thank you all.
how we got here
One month ago we received the news that Mike had testicular cancer. We were totally shocked. You never expect to here the words cancer when it is so close to you. From the moment we received the diagnosis Mike has been calm, full of faith and confident that God is in control. I've been holding on to God day by day but I definitely have my ups and downs. Testicular cancer is a cancer that they can cure. It is very common in men 15-35 years of age, but it is aggressive and fast moving. On March 25 Mike had surgery to remove the tumor, surgery went well and he has recovered quickly. April 7 we met with an oncologist who painted a much clearer picture of Mike's condition and the treatment ahead. The CT scan shown a 2 cm growth in one of Mike's lymph nodes and according to the tumor markers in his blood work there is still cancer in his body. They put him in the intermediate prognosis category which has 75%-85% success with curing his type of cancer. The oncologist we met with was caring, funny, and excellent at communicating and teaching. He is putting MIke on an aggressive schedule for chemotherapy and I feel like he is a great advocate and will help us fight this disease. But more importantly we know that God is in control and that he has a good plan for Mike and our family. Although it is not easy we are trusting God minute by minute and we feel peace in knowing that we have a loving God who will bring beauty, purpose and love out of a difficult situation. The biggest challenge for me has been fear but God has given me one verse John 14:1 that I meditate on when I wake up and when I go to sleep. Jesus says "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me." I've read this a million times but now we are living this and we are choosing to trust Jesus with our family and our health.
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