Rollercoaster Ride

I am terrified of roller coasters and heights. When Mike and I were traveling through LA a few years ago, we spent some time at amusement parks.  One day Mike dragged me to six flags. I watched him go on rides all day and by the end of the day he wore me down and convinced me to go on this crazy, twisty, upside down Batman roller coaster. I had my first panic attack in the middle of the ride and I thoroughly embarrassed Mike. Today was a roller coaster ride and I just had to give in and ride it.

The day started off and I thought things were looking up. Mike finally had had a good sleep as he coughed a lot less throughout the night. This morning he was still exhausted so I ordered him to stay in bed and sleep. I brought him food, kept an eye on his temperature and he slept deeply until noon. It was great to see him having some relief from his hacking cough.

I talked to the cancer clinic nurses in the morning and they assured me that Dr Oja (our oncologist) was aware of Mike's blood count and due to the low neutrophils they were going to cancel his chemo which was scheduled for this afternoon. Since Mike was comfortable and sleeping soundly  I decided to get Keegan checked out with our family doctor. No ear infection (yeah) hopefully just really teething.

I still felt uneasy that Mike was at home with such a  low blood count, so I talked to my family doctor about it while I was in. He gave me a requisition for chest x-ray and a sputum culture. I headed home to get the boys settled for nap time and get Mike ready for these tests. By the time the boys were asleep the roller coaster went a different direction.

We got a call from the chemotherapy nurse who wanted to clarify that we were in fact going to go ahead with chemo this afternoon and Dr. Oja would meet us at the cancer clinic to assess Mike. We quickly got ready and my awesome sister spent the whole day helping taking care of the kids so I could be there to talk with the doctor.

Our doctor is great and is a real advocate for us. He said there had been a misunderstanding and that Mike never should have been sent home with his neutraphils at 0.1.  He actually thought Mike had been admitted to the hospital and that is why he hadn't called us at home with further instructions for Mike's care.

He wants to start Mike on G-CSF (granulocyte colony stimulating factor). Basically it is a drug that helps your bone marrow make new white blood cells. They want to increase his neutrophils so that we can continue with the chemotherapy schedule. Dr. Oja called and found us a bed on the oncology unit and Mike was directly admitted after he received his Bleomycin. They decided to go ahead with the chemo anyways. Our day took a completely different turn.

I had to head back to relieve my sister from looking after 4 kids at supper time ( the hardest time of day).  I rushed back home and was barely able to process what all had just happened. I suddenly felt heavy exhaustion descend on me and I just couldn't gain clarity of thought. My sister helped me decide who to call for help and within a few minutes we had organized baby sitters, a meal for Mike and grocery shopping. I could not have made it through today without all of you who just dropped everything to help us ( thank you Jamie, the Breedveld family, Nicole and Curt and Cindy).

I tucked our three little guys into bed, which always takes longer without the help of Mike, but we did it! I packed him a hospital bag and headed back to the hospital. Mike looked great when I arrived. He greeted me with a big smile, full of hope and reassurance. He looks totally out of place in this unit I think most people are 70 +.  Mike and I laughed when he described how the porter had come to take him for his x-ray and said "You can walk?" Mike responded, "they have had me walking all over this hospital the past couple of days, Yes I can walk just fine". The porter felt awkward pushing a wheelchair beside his ambulating patient so Mike climbed in to the chair to make him feel better.

Mike is in a nice new wing, it is quiet, and he has a great view of the mountains. He said it feels like a hotel, the nurses are taking great care of him, he has everything he needs and a hospital bed which is much more comfortable for his cough. He was very positive and I know that this is where he needs to be. I feel relieved that they will be monitoring him closely, doing daily blood work and having daily assessements with our oncologist. Nevertheless, the house feels empty  especially at night and I find myself reaching up to my Heavenly Father for comfort at the end of this scary roller coaster ride.

Psalm 33: 18-22

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
   on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
¹⁹ to deliver them from death
   and keep them alive in famine.
 ²⁰ We wait in hope for the LORD;
   he is our help and our shield.
²¹ In him our hearts rejoice,
   for we trust in his holy name.
²² May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
   even as we put our hope in you.