Never Alone

We survived the weekend.  Mike is still very weak but he did emerge from the bedroom a few times today and he is starting to eat again.  He says he feels like it is taking longer to bounce back this time but he feels hopeful that each day he will gain more strength.  We started his G-Csf shots again to help keep his neutraphils up. We are praying that he doesn't have too much bone pain from this medication. 

I managed to get through the week as well.  I had some great moments with the kids enjoying the great weather and falling into a predictable routine for them.. We are still  having moments with difficult behavior and difficult questions as they process the changes in our family.  As I reflect back on the week I can understand their behavior a little better and Mike and I are always brainstorming on how to help them through their emotions.  Tonight Toby and I spent some time talking about some of his behaviors that had occurred throughout the day.  I asked him what he was feeling in his heart he was able to verbalize that he feels angry that daddy has been sick for so long.  We decided to spend some extra time cuddling daddy before bed and we had a family prayer.  Toby looked relieved and secure as I tucked him tonight. I'm so glad he is talking about it. 

 The biggest challenge for me is the pace of life and lack of sleep, thankfully my mom arrived Saturday night. She is a tremendous help and I can slow down just a little bit.  The most amazing thing happened today: all three of our kids napped at the same time for 3 hours! That has never happened. Mike and I had a nap and even some time to visit without interruptions. What a gift.

People are always saying to me, I don't know how you are doing it - looking after three little kids and facing illness with your husband. The answer, is that I haven't had to do it alone. God has been beside us the whole way and we have been the recipient of so much care, support and practical help. I can honestly say that from the moment we received the diagnosis we've never felt alone.  Every week we are being blessed by so many people, even strangers.  God has wrapped his arms around us through our friends, family and neighbors.  Cards, e-mails, words of encouragement, groceries, house cleaners, activities for the kids, meals and treats.... the list goes on.  I want to send out thank you cards but I don't know where to begin. At the end of all this Mike and I hope to throw a huge celebration party for good health and a huge thank you to all of you. 

We have seen love in action: your love has blessed us and I know it brings glory to God.  These verses describe what our experience has been like being on the receiving end of all this love.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.   Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12 :9-15 

Thank you that we haven't taken one step of our journey alone.

Color

Mike has been spending most of his time in the bedroom.  If he isn't at a chemo treatment, he's been resting in bed. I don't think he's any sicker this time round, but more that he's learned what helps him cope through the uncomfortable days.  We've transformed our bedroom into his quiet space because it is very difficult to find calmness in a house filled with three energetic boys. We have the computer set up so he can watch a show, or listen to music or books.  He has a stack of magazines, water and crackers to help with the nausea and the window open for fresh air. Most of all it is a space alone where he can doze on and off as he needs to.  This environment and a handful of nausea medications seems to be what works for these days.  The boys and I crawl onto the bed a few times a day and we have a family cuddle which often turns into wrestling.  When they get too boistreous we head out again. Mike has been doing a great job of managing his symptoms and listening to what his body needs right now.  It is easier now that we are more familiar with the trajectory of chemotherapy. I don't find it as frightening  now that we know these days will pass and gradually he will gain more strength, energy and appetite. 

Since Mike is spending a lot of time by himself  in our room, the boys and I decided to make him a gift to brighten up the space.  I wanted him to be able to look up and be inspired by his children  and motivated to keep enduring this treatement.  I am not at all artistic so I borrowed this idea from my good friend Shelly and still this project was a real stretch for me.  I  bravely got out canvas and acrylic paints with our little guys. They worked hard to create paintings for daddy;  I worked hard at keeping paint on canvas and not in mouths, on bodies or all over the kitchen.  It still ended up quite messy - but fun!  They chose vibrant colors and I know I will always look at their paintings and remember how God helped me see color in the midst of darkness. Though we've had moments where we are stumbling around in the dark, there have been just as many vibrant colorful moments. 

                                          

During this season I've seen first hand how God shines light in darkness and creates beauty in suffering.

You, LORD, are my lamp; 

the LORD turns my darkness into light.  

2 Samual 22:29

                                                                  

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said,  

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, 

but will have the light of life.”  John 8:12

Power in Weakness

We made it through another day. Only one more day of chemo left this week.  Mike is feeling the effects of chemo full force today : nausea, fatigue, no appetite. He had his 4 hour treatment and has spent the rest of the day resting and sleeping.  He is such a trooper; never complaining.

So far the kids seem to be handling the week fairly well.  Toby is very perceptive. When Mike made no effort to get out of bed this morning, Toby was quick to ask why daddy is sleeping so much. He was prodding me to get in there and tell daddy he's been seeping long enough. We talked about how the medicine the doctors give Daddy makes him feel tired and it is Daddy's job to sleep so he can get better.    The kids are quick to perceive the change in Mike's energy but they are also adapting quicker this time. The boys have done amazing at helping me out, playing with each other, and waiting patiently as I tirage all their different needs according to urgency. On these days I let the housework pile up and I try to give them extra TLC. I am very proud of our kids.

One minute I look at my sleeping husband with no hair and I still can't believe this is happening; the routine of chemo is starting to become a familiar part of our life.  In some ways the longer we do this the more tired we get, but at the same time we've been through it before and we know that the discomforts will pass. God is sure teaching us a lot ! Mike and I both agree that God is showing Himself real to us in our weakness more than we've ever experienced  in our strength.

I have had many moments of weakness throughout this journey. When my feet hit the floor at 6 am in the morning I am often overwhelmed trying to do a good job meeting the needs of my family. I just feel weary and I often think "how am I going to survive another day". This verse comes to my mind constantly throughout the day and it gives me strength.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

I welcome Christ's power because I don't have any on my own.  I see Christ's power in Mike. Though his body is weak, his spirit is strong. I know he's depending on Christ for that strength - as long as I've know him, he always has.

The Best Anniversary Gift Ever!

                                                                                                                           

Nine years ago on May 25 Mike and I stood under a tent, beside the Thompson River in Kamloops, and vowed to love each other as long as we both shall live.... in sickness and in health. Young and optimistic at 22, you can't picture what storms you may have to weather as a couple. Nine years later, here we are, this is our storm: sickness. Believe it or not, God has used sickness as a catalyst to deepen our love and devotion to each other.  We have never worked harder at serving one another and encouraging each other in our moments of weakness.  Since Mike was diagnosed with cancer I find my gaze lingering longer when Mike smiles, I  appreciate every moment of companionship we share with each other. These are moments I normally took for granted.

We didn't make any romantic plans for the day as we knew Mike would have no appetite and no energy.  There was no opportunity for cards or flowers just a high five for making it nine years.  I was actually struggling with anxiety most of the day because I knew that Mike's blood results would be sitting in his chart somewhere and I wasn't able to be at his appointment to try and get my hands on them. The doctor had told us that no news is good news, but I'm no good at waiting, and as a nurse I want to know the numbers.  Part way through Mike's treatment he called me to chat and he gave me the best anniversary present: GOOD NEWS.  The tumor marker (LD) , which had remained slightly elevated, has now come down to normal. All of his tumor marker are within normal range.  I would interpret these results to mean that treatment is working and God is answering our prayers.  We still don't know if his body is completely rid of cancer but the oncologist said he would be happy once all the tumor markers are within normal range.  Mike will continue the course of chemo that is planned and at the end of it he will continue to undergo tests ( blood work and CT scans) to ensure that the cancer is gone.  Normal tumor markers is definitely the best anniversary gift Mike has ever given me - but I know the gift is really from God.

Mike's treatment today ended right at dinner time, so Mike had the idea to go for a family dinner at Swiss Chalet.  Food that Mike's stomach can tolerate and a novelty for the kids. We don't normally go to restaurants because eating at a sit down restaurant with three kids under the age of four usually ends in disaster.  However the kids did great and we had lots of love and laughter around the table tonight. It turned out to be a very happy anniversary indeed!     

Round 3: Day 1

I was a little late finishing my post for the long week-end,  so I just thought I'd clarify that Mike did his first treatment today - Tuesday May 24.  He felt pretty good today.  He took a 2 hour nap during chemo and came home with quite a bit of energy. Our friend Daniel has been helping us with rides to and from treatment. He joined us this afternoon and helped us brew some authentic green tea.  We drank tea and visited.  Toby had a difficult evening and had a very long tantrum during supper so I was so thankful that Mike was feeling well enough to help with bed time.  I needed some reinforcement tonight. Mike joined the kids for an early bed time.  Day 1 complete: so far so good.

Look Up

I haven't updated the blog in awhile because Mike had been doing so well that we've been too busy having fun and I've been making an effort to get more sleep.  No news is good news.

The last five days Mike's appetite has been almost normal. His stomach discomfort and heartburn have continued to improve, his energy has been much better and he has been sleeping at night again.  The bone pain from the G-Csf shots is gone, so Mike has been feeling great.  The boys and I are totally enjoying having Mike back.

Friday was a real highlight for us.  We joined our good friends Curt and Cindy and their baby Logan for a day of camping out at Chilliwack lake.  We would not have been able to pull off such an ambitious outing if it weren't for our good friends and Jamie and Scott.  I stayed up late Thursday night and packed everything.  First thing Friday morning we headed out.  The weather was so warm it felt like summer.  The boys rode bikes, went on nature walks and worked hard digging and filling pales of water at the stunning lake.  Curt and Cindy cooked great food for us and Mike had fun hanging around the camp site with friends.  We finished the day with a campfire and loaded our very sleepy children into the van and headed home for a good night sleep in our own beds.  As we listened to the rain pour down through our bedroom window we were thankful we didn't spend the night. It was the perfect day and unbelievable refreshing for all of us. We came home tired and energized at the same time.

                                                    

Mike's parents arrived the next day to finish off our May long weekend.  We enjoyed their visit so much.  Grandma and Grandpa did crafts, told stories, went swimming and played at the park with our little guys.  We had relaxing visits in the evening;  it was so good to be with family.

Mike starts chemo tomorrow so we are trying to gracefully say goodbye to these fun, vibrant days and prepare ourselves for the beginning of cycle 3 of chemo.  To be completely honest heading into this round of chemo has been the hardest for me.  I think having a glimpse of my healthy husband has made it more difficult to accept the suffering that lies ahead.  While I was sitting on the beach at Chilliwack lake I couldn't take my eyes off the towering white-peaked mountains in front of me.  Their majesty and beauty was mesmorizing against the crystal clear lake.  The verses from Psalm 121 popped into my mind and I knew God was telling me right there how we were going to survive the second half of chemo.

                                                        

 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
   where does my help come from?
 My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.

  He will not let your foot slip—
   he who watches over you will not slumber;
 indeed, he who watches over Israel
   will neither slumber nor sleep.

  The LORD watches over you—
   the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
 the sun will not harm you by day,
   nor the moon by night.

  The LORD will keep you from all harm—
   he will watch over your life;
 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
   both now and forevermore.

 
So right now I'm entering round 3 of chemo holding on to these two words : LOOK UP.

Keep Pedaling - You can do it!

Toby learned to ride a  two wheeler today.  Toby's personality is quite cautious, he tends to choose the path of least resistance as he likes to do everything perfect the first time. Mike had complete confidence that he could do it. I was pretty sure he was ready, but a little nervous about the process. I wasn't sure if he would want to take on the challenge or  be totally frustrated by it.

                                                  Mike and Toby taking off training wheels        

I sat back on the grass with Keegan and watched from a distance as our four year old took off on two wheels confidently because Daddy was running alongside him; unbeknown-st  to Toby -  Mike had let go of the bike. Mike shouted encouragements: "Keep Pedaling, don't slow down, you can do it."  I cheered wildly for our big boy!  As I sat there,  I had a clear picture of God (Our Father) running alongside our family as we wobble along through our challenges with chemo and cancer.  I felt this assurance that even in the most difficult moments God is calling out encouragements: "Keep going, You Can do it, and best of all He is running right alongside of us.

                                             Starting off on two wheels

I needed this bit of encouragement today. I have no reason to be struggling with fear as we have had a great couple of days.  Mike has been feeling well, we've had some great family moments and some meaningful interactions with others who are also fighting cancer. The last few days have been purposeful and fun.  However, we are at the half way mark in our treatment and I'm  feeling impatient. Tired of waiting for the next round of tests, afraid of what might come around the corner,  and ready for chemo to be done.  We are prepared that the second half of our treatment may be harder than the first and I know neither of us is looking forward to the discomfort of it all.

We met with Dr.Oja this morning as a routine follow up.  There is no new news, the plan is just to continue on with the course of treatment.  Mike will go in on Monday for a full panel of lab tests.  They will check his tumor markers again.  Apparently one the markers (LD) has not quite come back down to normal yet.  Dr. Oja wasn't too concerned and he said everything seems to be heading in the right direction we just need to keep going. Mike will start back with his treatment on Tuesday due to the long weekend.  He will receive the same dose of chemo but instead of getting it over 5 days he will receive it in 4 days.  We'll see how that goes.  We came away from the appointment knowing that we have more work to do and more waiting.  

 God knew what I needed today.  He gave me joy and excitement as I watched in amazement as our little guy cruised on his bike for the first time.  But he also assured me that what I'm feeling is O.K, and that He is right there to pick us up when we fall, cheer us on when we are weary, and help us to face our fears. 

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Here are some pictures of some of our fun moments the last couple of days ( just cause the kids are so cute)

                                                  Tyler's determined to keep up to his brother
                                                   
  

                                                Keegan getting his first hair cut


                                              

                                           Keegan digging in the dirt - also keeping up to his brothers

                                              

                                           Building a Go-Cart together

The Good Days

Mike and I were just reflecting today on how much we appreciate the good days. When you've had several difficult days the good days feel all the better. When Mike starts to regain strength  there is a new sense of relief and joy in our home. It feels good to hear him making phone calls, laughing and playing with the kids. I appreciate these everyday noises whereas I never slowed down long enough to enjoy them as I do now.

Friday afternoon Mike started to feel some relief from the stomach pain and nausea.  The antacids seem to be helping and he has progressively been able to handle more food. He has had more energy the last couple of days and we have made the most of it.

On Friday he took me out on a date, he didn't tell me where we were going but he rushed me out of the house quickly as soon as the babysitter arrived. We played mini golf out on a course in the country, you could smell spring blossoms and watch the sunset from the course.  Mike started out the game with a hole in one and I just barely managed to beat him by the end of the game 82: 80.  We tried to go out for some food but nothing was sitting right with Mike's stomach so he watched me drink a latte while he sipped on a children size milk.  The night was so special; these moments feel so great after a hard week.

Saturday Mike continued to have increasing energy so he insisted that I go out for some fresh air and join our church in handing out invitations to kids camp.  Mike looked after our kids and he really enjoyed having them all to himself.  Likewise the boys enjoyed having Daddy all to themselves. They walked around the complex for our neighborhood garage sale which is an activity they all enjoyed.  When I got home Mike had Keegan nicely settled for his nap and the boys were playing so contentedly in the back yard.  The boys enjoyed some uninterrupted time with their dad and they had excellent behavior the whole day.  We finished the day with good friends and good food at a Vantol birthday celebration.  It  feels good to be back out at social gatherings with my companion by my side.

We made it to church this morning and again it was great to see Mike enjoying the company of all the people we love so much.  The good days renew my hope and give me energy to keep plodding through the difficult ones.   God has given me a new ability to slow down and enjoy the everyday moments instead of skimming past them to reach the next goal or accomplish the next thing on the list.  God has so many joyful moments for us to experience in our day and it took cancer to slow me down enough to fully experience them.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"  1 Thessalonians 5:16 

Though I would never choose these circumstances,  I'm experiencing how God uses trials to bring out good fruit in our lives. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control " Galations 5:22

Marathon

One of my dreams has been to run a marathon, but every time I've started training I've become pregnant which  puts an abrupt end to the long runs.  Lately this course of treatment is feeling like a marathon. We are almost a third of the way done, and we are feeling the burn that comes as you develop endurance. 
We continue to push through the pain and exhaustion with our eye set on the goal,  just like an athlete.  The process is stretching each of us emotionally, spiritually and physically.

For me the race consists of running after the boys and trying my best to meet all their different needs. Keegan has been putting up a fight at nap time and bed time. Tyler's been regressing with potty training and anything else that will give him positive or negative attention. Toby is  having a hard time sharing mommy and is having regular emotional tantrums. Whew they are challenging me this week. I've been praying for supernatural patience and endurance.  The days begin at 6 am and I'm usually finishing household chores at 11:30 pm - Marathon.

Mike, on the other hand, is being stretched to be still and rest in the midst of all the chaos and noise in our home.  This is challenging since Mike loves to be productive, involved and helpful. He finds it difficult to watch me struggle to keep pace with the children and the household.  We are praying for peace, rest and relief for Mike. 

During the last 4 days Mike has had increasing nausea and stomach pain. After several calls to the cancer clinic and close monitoring of his symptoms, it sounds as though Mike has yet another side effect of chemo: mucositis. Basically muscositis is when the membranes that line the digestive tract become inflamed, red, swollen and may develop open sores. The inflammation causes the stomach to spasm when you eat which increases nausea. It is not a fun cycle. The oncology nurses are knowledgeable and have been great at helping us manage his symptoms.  We have been adjusting his medication, his food and fluid intake and we are hoping that his appetite and tolerance for food will improve. Mike is handling everything in stride and with a positive attitude. We are regularly making little trips to the grocery store as Mike's cravings are constantly changing. Definitely no fast food cravings these days.

We are all being stretched in our own way: the kids, Mike and myself.  Though it hasn't been an easy week, God is providing for us and I can see that he is developing patience and endurance in each one of us.  We hold on to his promise:

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14 

We are putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, and Christ's strength is carrying us through the marathon.

The Children

Blogging is very new to me, and thanks to my good friend Frances I just discovered how to add photos.  I went a little crazy last night, and stayed up way to late adding in some pictures. If you're interested you can scroll through some of the old entries and see some pictures of what I've been writing about.

Today we said goodbye to my parents. It was hard to let them go as it has been so great having the extra help and company.  However I'm thankful I  had a bit of a break and I'm mentally gearing myself back up to dive in to this marathon we are running.

Mike is feeling the effects of chemo again today.  We are seeing a pattern that he has days with appetite and energy followed by days of fatigue and discomfort. Thankfully he hasn't experienced any bone pain from the G-CSF injections.  He continues to get through this round of chemo without any symptoms of infection, so we do have a lot to be thankful for.

Our biggest challenge in the last couple of days has been the effect this sickness is having on our kids.  They don't understand the full impact of sickness but they are reacting to the many changes in their world.  Toby and Tyler are both very intuitive, and they are beginning to express their emotions through their behavior. Toby has had lots of questions about sickness, life and death. Difficult topics to tackle with a 4 year old.  This has by far put our parenting to the greatest test. We are doing our best to help them navigate through their anger and sadness with love, faith, sensitivity and consistency. I often feel at a loss for how to help them.  Mike has been so encouraging and we are working together on this which makes it so much easier. Nonetheless our heart breaks as we try to help them navigate through their pain and I feel stretched thin between their varying needs.  Please pray for our boys.  We have faith that God will use these difficult times to bring out resilience, compassion and love in them. As I tucked them in to bed tonight God gave me a vivid picture of artwook which depicts this verse :

But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Luke 18:1

Only tonight instead of seeing anonymous children in a piece of art I could see Jesus calling my children by name and holding them tightly in His arms.

The Needle

Well, I am kinda embarrassed to say that we started our day with A&W again. I am usually morally opposed to fast food, however lately I am so happy to see Mike eating that he can get away with whatever he wants.  We had a blast with the family. The boys are well acquainted with the restaurant, they love the oldies and this time they had Nana and Papa to impress with their dance moves. It was a great start to the day. We headed home and Mike tried to rest as we had a busy afternoon ahead of us.

Mike is going to be started on G-CSF shots at home to boost up his neutrophils. G-CSF stimulates the bone marrow to produce more white blood cells which are your body's front line defense against infection.  If his neutrophils drop bellow 1.0 they will have to stop treatment. Therefore to avoid any delays they want to start him on G-CSF to keep those neutrophils up. These shots will also hopefully prevent complications with infection.  The only down side is that the G-CSF  can often cause pain in you back and hips.  Mike had quite a bit of discomfort when he received these shots in the hospital. We are praying that he will be more comfortable this time round.

Today was the day they wanted to prepare us for these home injections.  This is where being a nurse comes in handy. Mike doesn't have to face the prospect of giving himself shots as he has a private nurse.  I gave him the injection at the clinic and we were signed off as good to go.  I have to mention that as I gave him the shot he proceeded to try and get a reaction from me by making dramatic painful moans as though I was torturing him. He did get a smile which is usually what he's after. 

We went on our way to wait in the lab waiting room, the clinic waiting room, and the chemo waiting room. I got a Starbucks coffee and Mike got  a Kit Kat so we weren't complaining.  Waiting is easy as long as you don't have any children with you. We have been so thankful for Nana and Papa who have been helping us with the kids and the house.

Another of day of treatment done. Mike came home with enough energy to help out some good friends get their new camper up and running. He came home tired but rejuvenated. Tools and friends are always good for Mike's soul.  God is sustaining us through the highs and lows of this journey, and He is giving us lots of moments of joy in the midst of it all.

Mother's Day

                                                            

The past three days Mike has been feeling so sick that he has barely gotten out of bed. So you can imagine my surprise when I was woken up by the big smiles of my husband and two sons who were serving me breakfast in bed. I'm not sure what was the greater gift: the fresh coffee and waffles, or the extra hour of sleep. 

Mike got up with the boys at 6:30 am. They made home-made cards and cooked a beautiful breakfast.  The most special part of this gift was knowing that Mike was starting to feel better; also I knew the sacrifice it was for him to cook breakfast in his nauseous state. I was so blessed that he would use every ounce of energy he had on me.

He was tired after serving me breakfast and needed to head back to bed himself.  He missed church which I know is hard for him, but it was a wise choice. His neutrophils will be at their lowest on day 5 - 10 of his treatment so he really needs to take it easy in the next few days and be cautious about catching any flues or colds.

He rested most of the afternoon but by dinner time he was craving pizza which was fine with me since I believe it is just wrong for a mom to cook on Mother's Day. We had a family celebration with my parents and my sister and brother-in-law.  Mike's appetite and energy are returning so I am hopeful that he is heading upwards as we continue through the second cycle of chemo.

Tears of Joy

We are becoming more familiar with the pattern of chemo now that we are into our second cycle. I wouldn't say it has been easier this time round but we are more prepared and we have a better idea what to expect. My prediction was correct that these next few days would prove difficult for Mike.  He is feeling sick, nauseous, fatigued and weak.  The last three days he has spent resting and sleeping with short periods of getting out of bed.  His medications have been keeping the nausea under control and he has been eating small amounts (though I have to force him as he no longer has an appetite) . We won't be hitting up A&W any time soon.  However, we are hopeful that the symptoms from the chemo will start to lessen in the days to come.  There are many moment we want to push fast forward and fly through this treatment as fast as we can.

These days are difficult, Mike does not feel like himself and we miss him terribly.  The boys talk about daddy all the time. How strong he is, how good he is at making things and fixing things, how he makes us laugh.  Today Toby started tickling and snuggling with me and said: " I'm making you happy just like Daddy does".  Yesterday I went in to go get Tyler up from a "nap" where he was not napping but instead had been rolling around in his bed clutching and staring at a picture of him and Mike. I will try to get a copy of this photo from grandma and I will post it as it is so cute.  The minute Keegan hears Mike's voice he starts looking all around smilling and his whole body starts to wiggle.  This sickness reminds me every day what an amazing husband and father we have. As difficult as this journey is for us all, it is increasing our love and appreciation for one another.

                                                     
                  
Mike needed a quiet environment today, so needless to say he didn't spend much time with the rambunctious boys. By the end of the day I could see the boys were really missing their dad so I tried to do bedtime Mike style.  Instead of our predictable routine of dinner, bath, snack, stories, bed,  we built a huge fort in the living room.  We made an imaginary campfire and Toby led us in a sing along with his guitar. They had a tea party with milk and muffins and then we tumbled into bed with Mike to read stories.  In the presence of their dad they didn't sit still for long. Instead they jumped, rolled, tickled and performed for us.  We laughed and enjoyed the kids so much.  I know we have had lots of family moments similar to this before we faced sickness; however now when we have these moments I find myself pushing pause, slowing down and cherishing them. We tucked the boys into bed with tears in our eyes - but they weren't tears of sorrow.  Mike assured me:  they were tears of joy.

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy"  Psalm 126:5

Chemo: Day 3

Mike had a long day of treatment today. He left for the cancer clinic at 8 am and didn't get home until 3 pm. He spent 4 hours getting his chemo drugs and then had to head over for a lung function test.  He is a trooper and still came home smiling. He chose to join the boys and I at the park in our complex and  we ended up having a bit of a block party there with many of our neighbors.  I could see that Mike enjoyed getting out and socializing but by dinner time he was exhausted. 

Tyler tucked him into the lazy boy chair and kept bringing him stuffed animals until Mike was asleep under a mound of teddy bears.  Toby cuddled in with him for awhile and looked very content to have a quiet time with daddy after a very busy day of outdoor play.  Mike slept through dinner and grabbed a few bites of soup before heading to bed at 6:30.  I can see that the chemo is catching up to him now and I am glad that he is listening to his body and resting. Two more days to go. This is a grueling treatment but Mike is so strong and looks so healthy in spite of all that they are putting his body through. The next few days will likely be difficult for Mike. Please pray for us over the next couple of weeks that he doesn't come down with any infections during this time that his immune system is being depleted.  Please pray that the chemo continues to be effective in keeping pace with the cancer.

Tyler covers all of Mike's Owies with stickers. 

                                                                 

We are all enjoying having my mom around, she is a big help and she has sure eased the load that I've been carrying. Thank God for moms. God is providing for us and sustaining us each day. We are adjusting to this new rhythm of life; though, we are counting down the weeks until this treatment is finished.

                                           
Mom and I are busy sharing the load of caring for these cute little guys.

                                          
We continue to take one day at a time.

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

The Word

Day two of chemo continues with lots of energy and few side effects. Praise God for two great days, we are so thankful.  Mike spent a bit of time today puttering in his shop, which is always life-giving for him. The kids, my mom, and I  headed out in the sunshine to walk, bike and dig in the dirt which is always life-giving for me.  We had time to play together and laugh.

                                                                 

                                          
I can't even put into words how much I appreciate the days that Mike has his usual spunk and energy. He is positive and continues to put one foot in front of the other as he fights cancer. Ultimately he trusts God more than the treatment and he focuses on God's plan for us. This has been the biggest test of our faith but we know God's strength will carry us each step of the way. Thank you all for praying.

Every day waves of fear and doubt will come and go at moments throughout the day. Sometimes it is just a fleeting butterfly in my stomach; other times it feel more like a heavy cloak. I was drawn tonight to this passage in Joshua about strength and courage. When the waves of fear and doubt hit me I find comfort, peace and strength in the Bible. God's words to me dissipate the anxiety and weight of this trial.  I am so thankful for God's powerful Word.

"No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.  Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.
 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.  Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1: 5-9

Another Dex Day - love this stuff!

On Monday Mike started on day 1 out of 5 days of treatment this week.  This begins our second cycle of chemo. In total he will do 4 three week cycles. Since we started back on chemo we were mentally prepared for a day of nausea, heartburn and exhaustion. We had forgotten that Mike would also be starting back on Dexamethasone to help counteract some of the discomforts of chemo.

Mike had had a solid 14 hours of sleep the night before he started his treatment so his feet hit the floor with a little more energy than we have seen in awhile. He excitedly asked me if he could head for breakfast at you know where..... A& W.  I've had my fill of fast food breakfast so I stayed home with the napping baby and Mike and the boys headed out for some time together. 

After breakfast Mike left for a full day of treatment.  I hustled around the house and tried to catch up on some chores since my mom is here giving me a hand with the kids. It felt great to get a couple of things accomplished. Toby and I even headed out to do some shopping together as he has recently sprouted out of all his pants. 

The past week had kept us quite housebound with Mike in the hospital, so Toby and I had so much fun getting out together. He is a great little shopper and helped me pick out all of his own clothes. I decided to make the outing into a special date for the two of us, so we headed for hot chocolate at a sophisticated coffee shop in Morgan Crossing.  We sat admist business people and seniors and Toby was very pleased to have mommy all to himself. Part way through our little date he points and yells out at a balding gentleman walking by: "look mommy he has the same hair cut as daddy he must take medicine that makes his hair fall out too".  Embarrassing moment, but so funny.  Kids make even the most difficult situations light and funny.

We rushed home to see how Mike had made out with the treatment and how my mom was making out with kids. I expected Mike to be exhausted after a long day of chemo, but I was greeted by a big smile and a high energy husband.  He informed me that he was starving and was craving ribs. He ran to Clancy's  and started cooking us a deluxe meal. This was not at all how I had pictured our day going and that's when it dawned on me that Mike was taking the Dex again.

We are never sure how long these energy bursts will last so we made the most of it and started inviting friends over to share the meal with us.  It turned into a lovely day and at midnight Mike was still awake. I was kinda thankful because our kids decided to wake up hourly last night, so Mike helped me remain calm with them in my exhausted state. God knows what you can handle.  We cherish these moments of energy and have truly been living in the moment.  It is a great way to live. Play when you can play,  eat when you can eat, and pray on the days you can't.

 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Re-cooperation, Rest ,and Relief

Our weekend can be summed up by the three R's: re-cooperation, rest and relief. The previous week had been filled with business, stress and sickness which caught up with us both and we felt very tired over the weekend. Thankfully Mike's cough is improving so he is sleeping much better at night.

The boys and I felt such relief in having Mike home again and I found myself cherishing his presence. We took our mornings slow and started off the days with family cuddles in bed and coffee of course. Saturday was beautiful and sunny, Mike wanted to get out of the house so we drove to a beautiful park in Maple Ridge. The park is nestled in between horse stables and a river so it is a nice change from the city. We sat by the river bed and our family felt so complete as we soaked up the sun, enjoyed our surroundings and especially each other.  Our days are a slower pace than they were before chemo, but it has taught us to stop and cherish all the good moments.

                                                     

                                          

                                          
Sunday we all went to church as a family and Mike rested for the remainder of the day to store up some strength for the week ahead. My mom arrived in the afternoon and will spend the week with us. I'm ready for more hands on deck as we head into another week of chemo. The boys are so excited to see Nana so I know having her around will make their week extra special.

We are thankful that we have had some quality moments together as a couple and as a family as we start cycle two of Mike's treatment. We feel uplifted in prayer and we are relying on God's strength to carry us through the challenges that accompany chemo. Mike is not looking forward to doing this all over again; nevertheless, he approaches this week with courage and faith. I am so proud of him!

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."  Isaiah 41:10