Wiggle

We Did It

Today was Mike's last day going to the chemo room for treatment.  In some ways it feels like yesterday that I sat down at this computer for the fist time and wrote: Day 1 of Chemo. I remember at the end of our first week of treatment looking ahead and thinking I can't imagine how we are going to do this for three months.   Here we are. We did it!  

Good

Over the course of Mike's therapy I have gone to very few of his treatments because the kids need me. Over the past 3 months we have had so many friends help drive Mike to chemo, but today I was determined to walk out of the cancer clinic for THE LAST TIME as a family! So against all odds I woke up 2 boys from naps and battled rush hour to watch my husband be unhooked from his last dose. It was good for the boys to see where Daddy has been going, to see the IV, to ask questions, to meet the nurses.  They were both all smiles and eager to hop up on his lap.   We are so thankful for the great care we received at the cancer clinic which made this experience less frightening and more bearable.  We thanked the nurses and left FVCC hoping that we never have to go back.

As we made our way across the parking lot in the rain, arms full of children, diaper bags slung from our shoulders,  I smiled at my brave husband and said: "I'm so proud of you, you did it!".  He looked at our boys and then at me and replied, "We did it!".  I wouldn't recommend this experience to anyone but it has brought us closer together as a family and it has brought out humility, compassion, courage and faith in all of us (our kids included).  God brings out GOOD even in the most difficult experiences.

                                             And we know that God causes everything
                                              to work together for the GOOD

                                              of those who love God and are called 

                                              according to his purpose

                                              Romans 8:28

Wiggle

So here we are, chemo is officially over but I don't feel like we have emerged from the fog quite yet. Mike's last round of chemo has dragged on the longest. His body has been badly beaten by chemo and his strength and energy are taking longer to return.  This is to be expected after four rounds of intense treatment, but we are struggling to be patient. The end is in sight and though we are all tired, we are also eager to race ahead and dive back into life.  Each day that Mike gains strength I'm getting progressively more tired.  The pace and stress of these last 6 months is catching up to me.

One morning I was celebrating that Keegan had slept through the night and my mom informed me that that wasn't the case -  I just didn't hear him.  I'm not one to let my baby "cry it out" so after a few moments of guilt I just had to shrug my shoulders and remind myself I'm doing the best that I can.  Each day that my husband is getting stronger,  I'm giving myself permission to be weak. The mess may pile up, the house isn't in order, but I feel at peace to lie in the middle of the floor with my children playing around me because my body is demanding rest. I may be weary but I feel peace and joy in knowing that Mike is recovering, he is getting better. Praise God.

   My good friend, who has experienced similar challenges, posted a comment that perfectly describes what this last week has felt like and what I anticipate the next little while will be like. She wrote:  I'm hoping these days get better and better for you as you wiggle into a new routine and real recovery! "Wiggle"  is the perfect description for the adjustments we are going through as Mike recovers.  It is a dance of one step forward, one step back and many adjustments along the way.  The days are certainly getting better, but the challenge for me has been perspective and patience.  Mike has been so encouraging and through his love and care for me I've been reminded that though chemo may be done, God isn't finished teaching us to wait on him, to hand over our plans, and to trust him with the next chapter in our lives.

                                                           A Gift

Last night a young girl from our church showed up unexpectedly at our door with a gift.  She just turned 13 and she already inspires others by her generosity and kind heart.  She presented Mike with these beautifully framed embroidered words:

He that dwells in the secret place of the most High 

shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Psalm 91:1

As we say goodbye to chemo and slowly wiggle back into our life,  I know that God has us exactly where He wants us to be - abiding in the shadow of the Almighty!