Grace

 The Long Haul

We are in the middle of our third cycle of chemo and the recovery process has been more difficult this time round.  Mike has not bounced back as quickly during his "recovery" week; instead, it has been a slow process of gradually gaining more strength.

The biggest challenge has been fatigue and weakness. Mike becomes winded after small amounts of activity like climbing our stairs or having a shower.  His appetite is poor, he is managing to eat but has very little desire for food.  It is impossible to make a plan, as Mike doesn't know what his body will be capable of.  He might be feeling great while lying in bed but once he gets up to do something he feels exhausted again. Lack of energy has been frustrating for him and boring.  He is bored of TV and is often too tired to focus on reading,  so he spends a lot of time praying, resting, waiting.  This is definitely a change when you are used to "doing". Our faith has been stretched in so many different ways but Mike has shared with me how God is ministering to him in this season of stillness.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26

On Tuesday Mike went in for another chemo treatment and he battled nausea, weakness, indigestion and fatigue the whole time. He came home exhausted.  In spite of how crummy he was feeling he had a great conversation with the nurse during his treatment and a meaningful visit with a friend who is also battling cancer.  Mike is the weakest he has ever been, and yet in his weakness, we see God's hand prompting him to encourage others and shine light in the cancer clinic.  He is ministering out of a place of total weakness humility, and dependence on God.

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." James 4:10

It is a struggle for our family to see Mike feeling this way. The boys look forward to any opportunity to cuddle up with Daddy in bed but I know they are missing their strong Daddy that effortlessly tosses them around in the air.  We can't wait for those days to return. In the meantime, I see how the boys have developed compassion, empathy and strength as they give Daddy lots of extra hugs and "I love you's".

A special moment this week was when Mike used his only bit of energy to get out of bed and build an airplane with Toby.  Toby has been missing daddy the most, so this effort went a long way.

                                          

      Gaining Strength

On Wednesday Mike was feeling so bored of laying around the house that we decided to go for a drive. We didn't know what he'd have energy for so I let him set the pace and lead the way.  He told me to drive east.  We get refreshed by leaving the hustle and bustle of the city so I felt excited that Mike wanted to try.  I came prepared for a playground experience but instead we found a little fishing lake in Mission.  Mike stolled down to the waterfront and found a rock to sit on.  Within minutes Toby and Tyler squeezed on to the rock and were so content to be close to Dad.  We weren't at all prepared for the beach but the boys had fun and Mike and I were very entertained by their creativity.  The air was so fresh, the temperature perfect and Mike felt a better appetite just being in the fresh air.  The boys were sandy and wet by the end of the outing and the rain poured as we packed up -  but no one uttered a complaint.  The kids seemed so at ease having Mike with us again.

                                        
                                                                         Rolley Lake

      I'm trying to get a "cheese" but Mike and Toby have a different pose planned

              Keegan enjoying the view, later to be caught eating way too much sand
                                            

                                                 Perched on a rock with Daddy

                                                             Giving a High Five

Today we rushed out of the house first thing because we have been given the gift of a housekeeper during Mike's treatment.  I can't keep the kids in the house while she cleans so I needed to take them out somewhere. Mike wanted to try and join us.  We didn't have time for breakfast and Mike's stomach isn't brave enough for A&W yet so we went a step above fast food and headed to De Dutch.  Mike ate better than he has all week.  We had so much fun and ended the outing at Funworld. Mike found a massage lazy boy chair and watched the kids, myself and my mom climb through tunnels and down slides. My dad arrived tonight for a visit so we invited my sister and her family over and had a housefull for dinner.  The last two days have been great. Mike is gradually gaining more strength as the week goes on.

The nurses have explained to us that all the symptoms he is experiencing are completely normal for his treatment.  We can expect that the next round of chemo will be the same or perhaps a little more difficult.  It is reassuring to know that this will not last forever. Though it is a long haul the end is in sight.

Grace

The theme that Mike and I have taken away from this round of chemo is GRACE.  Our life is no longer about our strengths but about God's grace.  During Mike's hard days I had some moments of fear as my mind drifted to the "What If's...."  and "How is this all going to end?".  Mike shared words of wisdom with me in my moments of weakness. He said God gives us the grace for today and he will give us the grace for tomorrow but there is no point worrying about what tomorrow holds.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9