Recap on Week 1 of our last cycle of chemo

I have a few more minutes in my day since my mom has arrived, so I finally have some energy to recap our week for you.  This last cycle has felt the most difficult physically but probably the easiest mentally.  Physically, we are both weary; I am tired of being a single parent and Mike's body has been badly beaten down by chemo.  However mentally we know the end is in sight and so much of the stress has been lifted knowing that Mike's test results are good.  We praise God.

I'll push rewind until last weekend and recap the ups of downs of our journey as we head into the last few miles of our marathon.

Man Camp

So we ramped up to our last cycle of treatment in kind of an unconventional way - we sent Mike to "Man Camp".  Some guys in our church organized a camp-out for men at Harrison Lake.  They loaded up tent trailers, RV's, our van, and Scott's big blue truck for some adventures in the wild.  A bit of risk while undergoing chemotherapy, but well worth it.   Mike didn't do any of the work he just went along for the ride and enjoyed some good food and great fellowship.  It was so refreshing for his soul to be out in nature with his closest friends, talking, laughing and praying together.  During Mike's sick weeks he goes days where he is isolated so it was nice to use some of his energetic moments to reconnect with friends.

Man camp was definitely more of a sacrifice for me.  Three days on my own with the kids is intense at the best of times let alone when I'm thinking ahead to the weeks we have awaiting us.  I knew in my heart that camping was exactly the lift Mike needed so I was motivated to try and get through the weekend with a positive attitude, but it wasn't easy.

Thankfully there were many other ladies who were also missing their husbands so we did some of the chaos together.  Friday night my sister and a good friend came over and we pooled together our food and made a delicious breakfast for dinner.  We had five kids under 4 running underfoot so there wasn't any time to sit and visit. But somehow the comradeship in chaos makes it easier to endure. Saturday I met up with friends at a park and we really did have a lovely day.

                                                          
By Sunday I was counting down the minutes until Mike came home hoping for a bit of a break.  It was great to see him but I could see he was tired and needed to rest more than I did. I pushed through to bedtime, looked around at the state of our house, and flopped onto the bed beside Mike and had a pity party for myself. I complained and expressed my feelings of dread for the next cycle of chemo.  I only got a couple of minutes into my whining when our door bell rang and I was met by a lady from our church grinning ear to ear as she handed me a huge Rubbermaid full of treasures. I could sense her excitement to give us this gift and instantly all the discouragement I had been feeling just melted away.  She had taken it upon herself to e-mail the church and collect gifts from anyone who wanted to lift our spirits.  We started to pull out item after item that were intentionally given to comfort, to soothe, to bring laughter and to create family memories.  Kites, beach toys, family games, coffee, girly bath goodies, candles, chocolates were all lovingly labeled with butterfly sticky notes that held words of encouragement.  This gift gave us new wind in our sails, the reminder to look up, and the knowledge that many people are cheering us on and holding us up in prayer. I was in a better state of mind to enter our last round of chemo.

Chemo

So far this round of chemo has been uneventful.  Mike goes in for approximately 5 hours of IV chemo and comes home a little more tired and nauseated every day. He is tired of taking pills, his hands are bruised and his veins are not happy about being poked. Needless to say Mike is counting down the days until he is finished. By the end of this week he has been retreating to the bedroom for a quiet place to rest and cope with nausea.  He continues to eat small amounts, but eating is a struggle.  He has moments where he has energy to interact with the boys but we have to stagger play times with frequent rests. One fun moment was eating popcorn and cheering for the canucks. Neither Mike or I are hockey fans but we felt obligated to watch the Stanley Cup finale when every vehicle driving into the complex had either cannucks flags attached to the roof or a driver wearing a jersey.  Here we are getting in to the spirit of hockey for the first time ever!

                                                     Enjoying the popcorn more than the game

Loss and Hope 

Most days Mike returns from chemo and rests, Tuesday was an exception. Mike pushed himself harder than usual but for a very important purpose. He went to chemo first thing in the morning, I picked him up at noon and we headed to a funeral for a neighbor who has also been suffering from cancer.  We haven't known George for long but he and his family have made a big impression on us and we care deeply for them in this difficult time of loss.  George has a wife and two small children ( 3 years and 5 years).  Mike had the privilege of visiting with George in his last days and it became apparent that George had supernatural peace through it all and a strong faith.  My heart aches for his family and I am so glad we were both able to attend the service.  I am so inspired by George's wife who has had a smile on her face in the midst of all their hardship. I didn't expect to come away from this memorial service with renewed faith and hope - but I did.  

Lazarus Come Out

The minister at the service gave a message that talked directly to the one fear in the back of my mind that I try to avoid thinking about: death.  This is something I don't  think about very often, but occasionally I get waves of fear that I might lose Mike to cancer. God spoke to me through his message and it was as though the biggest fear that lingers deep down in the back of my mind was lifted. The message brought us to a passage in John 11 that recounts the event where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead.  This passage talks about how much Jesus loved Lasarus, it highlights His emapathy as He weeps with the family for their loss. It goes on to show how Jesus is more powerful than death. As the pastor read these verses I felt God meeting me in such a personal way and the truth of these words extinguished my fear and gave me hope. Mike has often assured me that no matter what happens it will be o.k and I know his hope stems from verses like these.


"So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”  ⁴ When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” ⁵

“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. ²² But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
 ²³ Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
 ²⁴ Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
 ²⁵ Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; ²⁶ and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
 ²⁷ “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ³⁴ “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
   “Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
 ³⁵ Jesus wept.
 ³⁶ Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. ⁴² I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
 ⁴³ When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” ⁴⁴ The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

 I've seen peace and faith in my friend as she walks through this intense season of pain and loss. The only way I can make sense of her strength, is faith that :  The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.  These are concepts I have believed in my head for a long time but now God is giving me the opportunity to exercise my faith and believe them in my heart.  

Good Friends, Good Parks

On Thursday we were blessed again by the gift of 4 hours of housekeeping. It feels surreal to come home to a house where the housekeeper has gone so far as to clean bathrooms, floors, windows and even our kitchen cupboards.  This amazing gift allows me to put all of my energy towards my boys.  We made plans to be out of the house so she can clean without children undoing all the work. 

We headed out of the house for a fun morning of immunizations. I think we entertained the whole doctor's office with our antics getting all three children in and out of the tiny exam room.  We got through the drama of the shots and and went on to join my good friend for some adventures at the park. My friend and her sister are from the Caribbean; their hospitality, generosity and laid back approach to life almost make me feel like I'm on holidays.  We left their house about an hour and half later than planned but in the mean time I was well fed with poached eggs, chai tea, good conversation and amazing toys for the kids.  Between all of us we ventured to the Redwood park with 7 boys under the age of 5.  

Mom to the Rescue

As lovely as it was to spend the previous day in the beautiful setting of towering Redwood trees, I paid for it today with uncontrollable sneezing, itchy watery eyes and congestion.  I would have loved to join Mike all day in bed; unfortunately chemo trumps seasonal allergies and someone has to keep caring for our little guys.  Thankfully my mom arrived to help us out for the remainder of the week. I  have reached a new level of exhaustion, so there is nothing better than having mom here.

Father's Day

Mike is an amazing Dad.  He is fun, adventurous and he offers the boys experiences that I can't.  They work in the shop with daddy, wrestle and rough house, and our camping adventures don't happen without Mike maintaining our old Volkswagen. Mike is not only fun and playful but also tender with the kids. He is there to meet their needs, show them love and cheer them on.  He backs me up with the important matters of discipline and character development.  During this season of treatment I've had to do many days as a single parent and it has made me appreciate more than ever what a great father Mike is.  

I tend to be one of those wives who remembers Father's Day the night before and scrambles to Shoppers at midnight to pick up a card. This year I really wanted Mike to feel appreciated, but I was out of ideas.  At this point in his cycle of treatment, Mike is weak, tired and repulsed by most food.  So fancy meals were out, a day trip wasn't going to work either. Finally I decided to surprise Mike by cleaning both of our vehicles top to bottom.  Mike usually takes responsibility for anything car related and I have yet to wash a car since we have been married. During this season of chemo the vehicles have been very neglected.  I didn't realize how bad it was until  I found a tuna sandwich underneath one of the car seats which explained the odor in my van.  This project took all day. The boys were involved and we all got very wet.  At 9 pm I was just starting on the VW when our neighbor and his two sons walked over with buckets, rags and cans of "tire shinning stuff".  We had the van clean in no time.  So the present was a group effort. 

Sunday morning we started Mike's day by squeezing the whole family on the bed, opening cards and watching a video that the boys had made for him.  I interviewed them and they chattered on about what they love about Daddy.  We served him corn flakes in bed, which I know isn't exciting, but is about all he can tolerate.  In the afternoon we took a drive to Fort Langley in our clean van and sat by the river while the boys had a treat. It wasn't anything fancy or expensive but it was the most special Father's Day I have ever had.  As we navigate through sickness,  Mike and I are both making huge sacrifices, but the result has been greater thankfulness for each other and our children.

A Precious Moment

 Today my mom, Mike, and I were discussing details of lab times, chemo times, my doctor's appointment and trying to piece together the puzzle of who was going where, who was looking after kids and who was driving. As we were discussing details and trying to finalize the plan that worked best, our 4 year old chimes in " I need to go with daddy to the hospital to help him be brave". My heart swelled with love as I see his heart of compassion. But the practical side of me knew it wouldn't be wise as Mike is feeling unwell today.  Mike was so touched by Toby's offer, he was ready to make it work. As I tried to reason with Toby, he continued with conviction: " I don't care if it is boring, I can handle it, I want to go with Daddy!"  O.k this was a new piece of the puzzle we needed to fit in.  

My mom looked after the two little boys while Toby and I dropped daddy off,  ran to my appointment and back to the chemo room for the remainder of the treatment.  Toby is normally cautious of new environments, shy of strangers, and nervous of doctors. However today he walked into the chemo room with confidence and determination. He had a job to do: "help daddy be brave". Toby was waving to the other patients, introducing himself to the nurses, and chattering continually. I was completely blown away.  He hopped up on dad's lap examined the IV and beamed with love. So did his Dad. I even brought the camera but I was so caught up in the moment I forgot to take a picture. Oh well, it was a precious moment to remember.

 It has taken me awhile but I think I've finally caught up on sharing the highs and lows, joys and sorrows of another week in chemo. Hopefully the last cycle ever!