Surveillance

At the end of Mike's treatment I tried to pin down the doctor for a concrete prognosis. "So is he considered in remission?" I asked. Very matter of factually the doctor said " No.  Remission is when the cancer stops spreading, we call this phase cured with surveillance and he will be under surveillance forever." Huge sigh of relief and thanksgiving escaped my lips. Great news compared to the many terrifying scenarios which had run through my mind during  the process of diagnosis with cancer and chemotherapy.

I'm discovering however that living under surveillance is still an uncomfortable process. Something makes my stomach churn when I know Mike is heading to appointments where they are analyzing every organ in his body and every cell in his blood in search for cancer. In my mind I know that surveillance is a very good thing, they are watching him closely because this type of cancer has great prognosis when caught early and treated. My heart, however, still battles with fear.

We've been in this phase of  "Surveillance"  for 7 months now.  Check ups and blood work bring back some pretty awful memories for both of us, but I can honestly say that there are some benefits to these frequent reminders that life is fragile. Mostly it has changed our perspective. We are so thankful! When I watch Mike tossing our boys effortlessly in the air I am so thankful he has strength. When the noise of grinders and drills thunder through the house late at night I am thankful Mike as energy to create. When I cook a meal and he enjoys every bite I am thankful he can eat and enjoy.  When money is tight, parenting is difficult or scheduling is a nightmare I can see clearly that these worries are very minor. We  have gained fresh love and appreciation for each other. We have a new threshold for handling everyday burdens and stress because we are doing it together. I believe that being under surveillance has helped us hold on to this perspective. Every three months we are reminded how much we need God and how good it feels to give our burdens to him.

 As Mike headed off to his last CT scan I asked him if he got nervous he replied " Sort of but this is just a good reminder how much we need to depend on God, to live each day for Him, and to be thankful for what we've been given".  There are many moments I wish Mike did not have a file with Fraser Valley Cancer clinic for the rest of his life, but I know it is God's plan for us and His plan is Good.

This month I met with a group of friends and we all made a goal to apply the gospel to one area of our life. We asked Jesus to transform an area that we struggle with. This month my goal has been to give all my worry to God. Every time I start to feel worried I pray or read the passage in Matthew 6: 25-34. It is remarkable how much I do worry; however, it isn't as hard I though it would be to stop worrying. It is simple, just recognize that I am worrying and make a conscious effort to trust God.

Monday at 1:20  we meet with our oncologist to find out all of Mike's test results. I am lot less anxious about this appointment than I have felt in the past. I am so thankful to God for the power of his word, the presence of his Spirit  and  His amazing love.  We are learning the freedom that comes when we take it one day at a time.    

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

    “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.   Matthew 6: 25-34